I've had a lot on my mind lately. My family, my relationship, my child... I suppose you could group all of those into "family." I do this thing every few years where I get restless with my current situation and start thinking about my other options. Is it just that I relish change? Or do I continuously get myself into situations that I can only cope with for a few years at a time before I get fed up and have to get out?
C and I recently went to LA to be on one of those small-claims court TV shows. Our old landlords had filed a suit against us in our local small claims court, alleging that we damaged their condo so badly it needed $4k worth of repairs. We answered in denial, then filed a counter-suit (to get our deposits back). Apparently these TV shows have researchers all over the place, one of which found our case and brought it to a producer's attention. Long story short, we all agreed to go, and we went. We figured we didn't have anything to lose. They paid for the airfare, hotel, ground transportation, and meals, plus pay us an appearance fee, and the winning party gets paid by the show so the losing party isn't out any money. Sounded good, right?
It went horribly for us. As it turns out, the "judge" of the show isn't actually bound by any laws of any particular jurisdiction, and is free to make her "ruling" based on... whatever she wants. Usually, I have discovered, that means that whatever makes good TV goes. So we were the "bad guys" and were portrayed as such, though we didn't know that until we got on set and the "judge" and plaintiffs started talking. Man, what an awful feeling, to have people lying about you, and you can't do anything about it, and nobody listens to what you have to say in your defense, or they listen then laugh at you, or scoff, or make rude remarks.
As a side note, the audience on those shows is paid to sit there and make noises of approval or disbelief, per the coaching of the producers. There was a girl behind me calling me names the whole time. It was very distracting, and hurtful. We were defamed on video, which will likely be aired nationwide, and I couldn't do a damn thing about it. I left in tears.
All of this led to a big discussion with C afterwards in which he got very defensive (as usual) and made lots of excuses for his behavior (as usual). I've tried to be very understanding and forgiving, and now I am failing miserably at that. Fortunately for me, I don't really feel like I'm failing at anything anymore; rather, I am finding my voice again and putting my foot down. I hope for his sake that he has the sense to shape up soon, because I'm running dangerously low on patience, and I'm not as content as he believes anymore.
I suppose most relationships deal with ups and downs. I just wish there weren't as many "downs" as there are. Is there any hope in trying to change a person? I know it's for the best, he knows it's for the best, and yet... nothing! Where's the disconnect? Why can't he see how harmful and selfish his behavior is?
Well, time to stick my head back in the sand. I can't do anything about it right now, and I'm not (quite) ready to, anyway.
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Friday, November 4, 2011
Losing steam
I can't even believe what a toll this week has taken on me! I attended a spill drill for one of our bigger contracts and put in two 10-hour days in a row, but that shouldn't have wiped me out as much as it did. I've done that before without the same fallout I'm feeling now. I can pinpoint the differences in this drill but I won't go into them here.
On a slightly related note, it's been quite some time since I felt this conflicted. I wish there was a clear-cut answer, but I don't think there is. Why is nothing ever as easy as I think it should be? Between new interests and the same old conflicts, I'm running out of patience for pretty much everything these days.
Here's something that never fails to cheer me up though:
Other good things: Getting a good parking spot, butterflies, having an umbrella when it starts to rain, new friends, renewing old relationships, and forward progress. Also, today is Friday. That is a very good thing.
On a slightly related note, it's been quite some time since I felt this conflicted. I wish there was a clear-cut answer, but I don't think there is. Why is nothing ever as easy as I think it should be? Between new interests and the same old conflicts, I'm running out of patience for pretty much everything these days.
Here's something that never fails to cheer me up though:
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| How could you not smile back? |
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
An open letter to my fellow commuters
Dear fellow commuters,
I know that the drive from Vancouver to Portland sucks, and the return trip sucks more. I do it every day, as you do. This does not mean, however, that you should vent your frustration on your fellow commuters. There are some "rules of the commute" that, though unwritten, are no less important than the posted regulatory signs. To remind you, since it seems you've forgotten, please refer to my handy list below:
1. When all three lanes are stop and go for miles on end, you must pay attention. This is not a time to check your e-mail, find the CD you dropped under your seat, or reapply your makeup. As a driver who has been rear-ended twice this year by drivers who were not paying attention, I will say it again for the record: Watch where you're fucking going.
2. The carpool lane is for cars containing 2 or more people, or buses, or motorcycles. You, single guy talking on his phone, are no more important or entitled than the rest of us. Get the hell out of the carpool lane.
3. It is not only polite, but legally mandated, that you use your turn signals when changing lanes. I know that your 40-thousand-dollar car is equipped with them, because my 1997 P.O.S. is. Use them, toolbag.
4. If you must smoke (you should quit!), then smoke. It's your right. But realize that not everybody in the 3-car radius that can smell your noxious exhalations enjoys that carcinogenic cloud as much as you do. And for the love of god, when you're done sucking on that cancer-stick, don't drop that smoldering butt out of your window. I suppose I shouldn't be surprised that someone willing to damage their own body wouldn't give a second thought about the environment, but it's still extremely fucking rude.
5. Merging is a fact of life. If the cars on the road alternate 1-for-1 with the cars merging, we should have no problems aside from the inevitable slow-down. But when you cut over in your jacked-up pickup with the TruckNutz hanging from the tow hitch and push your way through traffic, you fuck up the flow. So knock it off.
6. Big rigs require a lot of room to maneuver, get rolling, and (especially) to stop. That giant space between them and the car they're following? Not there for you. I wouldn't feel sorry for you at all if you cut in front of a tractor/trailer that suddenly couldn't stop as fast because YOU'RE there and it ran into you. That would be your fault, you stupid twat.
7. Speaking of following distance. That extra space between MY car and the car I'm following? Also not there for you. 1 car length is not enough room to stop if dude in front of me slams his brakes, so I allow a little more than that. This is not a space for you to squeeze into. If I see you thinking about squeezing in, I might purposely close that gap a little more to block your move. Just saying.
8. Changing lanes in an intersection: illegal. Driving up the shoulder to avoid traffic and cutting in at the top of the line: douchey. Swerving left before making a right-hand turn: retarded (and dangerous). Red lights mean stop, but not in the middle of the intersection.
If we all follow the "unwritten rules of the commute" I feel like we'll all be happier drivers. At least, maybe I won't feel like going all demolition derby next time I-5 turns into a parking lot.
I've got my eye on you , smokers.
Sincerely,
Julie
I know that the drive from Vancouver to Portland sucks, and the return trip sucks more. I do it every day, as you do. This does not mean, however, that you should vent your frustration on your fellow commuters. There are some "rules of the commute" that, though unwritten, are no less important than the posted regulatory signs. To remind you, since it seems you've forgotten, please refer to my handy list below:
1. When all three lanes are stop and go for miles on end, you must pay attention. This is not a time to check your e-mail, find the CD you dropped under your seat, or reapply your makeup. As a driver who has been rear-ended twice this year by drivers who were not paying attention, I will say it again for the record: Watch where you're fucking going.
2. The carpool lane is for cars containing 2 or more people, or buses, or motorcycles. You, single guy talking on his phone, are no more important or entitled than the rest of us. Get the hell out of the carpool lane.
3. It is not only polite, but legally mandated, that you use your turn signals when changing lanes. I know that your 40-thousand-dollar car is equipped with them, because my 1997 P.O.S. is. Use them, toolbag.
4. If you must smoke (you should quit!), then smoke. It's your right. But realize that not everybody in the 3-car radius that can smell your noxious exhalations enjoys that carcinogenic cloud as much as you do. And for the love of god, when you're done sucking on that cancer-stick, don't drop that smoldering butt out of your window. I suppose I shouldn't be surprised that someone willing to damage their own body wouldn't give a second thought about the environment, but it's still extremely fucking rude.
5. Merging is a fact of life. If the cars on the road alternate 1-for-1 with the cars merging, we should have no problems aside from the inevitable slow-down. But when you cut over in your jacked-up pickup with the TruckNutz hanging from the tow hitch and push your way through traffic, you fuck up the flow. So knock it off.
6. Big rigs require a lot of room to maneuver, get rolling, and (especially) to stop. That giant space between them and the car they're following? Not there for you. I wouldn't feel sorry for you at all if you cut in front of a tractor/trailer that suddenly couldn't stop as fast because YOU'RE there and it ran into you. That would be your fault, you stupid twat.
7. Speaking of following distance. That extra space between MY car and the car I'm following? Also not there for you. 1 car length is not enough room to stop if dude in front of me slams his brakes, so I allow a little more than that. This is not a space for you to squeeze into. If I see you thinking about squeezing in, I might purposely close that gap a little more to block your move. Just saying.
8. Changing lanes in an intersection: illegal. Driving up the shoulder to avoid traffic and cutting in at the top of the line: douchey. Swerving left before making a right-hand turn: retarded (and dangerous). Red lights mean stop, but not in the middle of the intersection.
If we all follow the "unwritten rules of the commute" I feel like we'll all be happier drivers. At least, maybe I won't feel like going all demolition derby next time I-5 turns into a parking lot.
I've got my eye on you , smokers.
Sincerely,
Julie
Thursday, October 6, 2011
"Plus Size"
Halloween is right around the corner! I love this holiday, but I'm feeling kind of melancholy about it this year. I think this is because I'm having a heck of a time finding a costume. As a size 16, I find myself in that dreaded PLUS size category. The costumes are made for "bigger" girls, but they're still as skimpy as the ones for those size 4's out there. Also, there are fewer options. I had my heart set on the red "Um" dress from Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland. I found it at a costume shop online and was SO excited... Alas, the largest they run is a 14, which in costume land probably fits closer to a 12. So I kept looking. I've found a few other acceptable choices, but I'm not excited about any of them. I wish I was excited about my costume, but I haven't found anything that great (in my size) and it seems like even the so-so choices are too expensive. Why drop $50 on something I'm ambivalent about?
In happier costume news, I picked out what Kawika will wear trick-or-treating. He won't really understand it all, but that's OK. We're going in a group with our cousins and their kids so it'll be fun regardless. I get to show off my cutie-pie and daddy gets candy. LOL.
Because I'm excessively practical, I couldn't bring myself to spend $40 on something he will wear exactly once, no matter how cute (darn you, tiger costume!) so I bought this:
It has little ears on the hood to make him look like a teddy bear, and it will keep him warm when we're out strolling the neighborhood. I think I'll put a little waterproof black eyeliner on the tip of his nose to make it more "bear-like" on Halloween. It only cost me about $25 at Old Navy, AND he can wear it when we go watch his cousin Anthony (13) play football on the weekends. It gets cold in those bleachers, and I won't be bringing K to sit around outside unless he's super-bundled!
Meanwhile, I'm down to 2 choices of my own. I'll be wearing whatever it is at work (and I could wear something much skimpier if I chose; our work atmosphere is... very relaxed) and also at my SIL's annual Halloween Party. I put it in caps because it's kind of a big deal. Everyone gets really into it, and you're expected to show up in costume & in character. I'm leaning toward Gretchen, but my short hair might work better with the flapper. *shrug* Short and curly would be cute on either, though, don't you think?
In happier costume news, I picked out what Kawika will wear trick-or-treating. He won't really understand it all, but that's OK. We're going in a group with our cousins and their kids so it'll be fun regardless. I get to show off my cutie-pie and daddy gets candy. LOL.
Because I'm excessively practical, I couldn't bring myself to spend $40 on something he will wear exactly once, no matter how cute (darn you, tiger costume!) so I bought this:
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| So snuggly! |
Meanwhile, I'm down to 2 choices of my own. I'll be wearing whatever it is at work (and I could wear something much skimpier if I chose; our work atmosphere is... very relaxed) and also at my SIL's annual Halloween Party. I put it in caps because it's kind of a big deal. Everyone gets really into it, and you're expected to show up in costume & in character. I'm leaning toward Gretchen, but my short hair might work better with the flapper. *shrug* Short and curly would be cute on either, though, don't you think?
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| Gretchen |
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| Flapper |
Thursday, September 29, 2011
Out my mind...
I must be out of my mind, because I'm already wishing I could stop taking my bcp and let things happen. The dominant, logical side of my brain is definitely winning the argument with the mushy, irresponsible side, though. Thankfully. There's absolutely no way we could afford kiddo #2 (yet). I have to wait for my man-child of a life partner (sounds more grown-up than boyfriend, doesn't it?) to realize that he's 35, not 23, and start acting like it. Who knows when or if that will happen, but I knew he was kind of dumb about that stuff going in and I did it anyway. *shrug* I made my choices, and I'm happy enough with where they've led me, so I'll hang around for a while longer. A girl can dream, though.
Baby's been sick since Friday, which is very sad. He caught it from Chris, which is worse, because Chris pretty much refused to touch Kawika the whole week prior because he didn't want to get him sick, and he ended up sick anyway. Usually I'm the one that catches something and brings it home, but (so far) I've managed to avoid this one. I'll just keep taking those vitamins and cross my fingers! I wish K wasn't sick, though, it's so freaking SAD to hear a little baby with a chest cough. He can't cough it out, you know, so it just SITS there and sounds all rattly and is hard to get rid of. He doesn't seem to be too bothered by it though, since he's still eating and drinking pretty well, and napping OK. We've had some issues with him waking up at night after he's only been down for an hour or two, but I'm sure he's coughing and waking himself up, then can't get comfy enough to fall back asleep. The last 2 nights he's slept with me, and Chris has crashed on the couch. Everyone seems to sleep better that way, though it's probably not the healthiest thing for mine and Chris's relationship.
Also, Kawika keeps playing like normal. He loves his jumper, and he's just as curious as ever.
Doodlebug.
Baby's been sick since Friday, which is very sad. He caught it from Chris, which is worse, because Chris pretty much refused to touch Kawika the whole week prior because he didn't want to get him sick, and he ended up sick anyway. Usually I'm the one that catches something and brings it home, but (so far) I've managed to avoid this one. I'll just keep taking those vitamins and cross my fingers! I wish K wasn't sick, though, it's so freaking SAD to hear a little baby with a chest cough. He can't cough it out, you know, so it just SITS there and sounds all rattly and is hard to get rid of. He doesn't seem to be too bothered by it though, since he's still eating and drinking pretty well, and napping OK. We've had some issues with him waking up at night after he's only been down for an hour or two, but I'm sure he's coughing and waking himself up, then can't get comfy enough to fall back asleep. The last 2 nights he's slept with me, and Chris has crashed on the couch. Everyone seems to sleep better that way, though it's probably not the healthiest thing for mine and Chris's relationship.
Also, Kawika keeps playing like normal. He loves his jumper, and he's just as curious as ever.
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| What the...? I'm gonna get this thing! |
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| Just me and my TP... |
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Another year...
I celebrated my 28th birthday on Monday. Well, celebrated is kind of exaggerating a bit, as I didn't do much to commemorate the occasion. Kawika had his 4 month checkup in the morning and it went really well. He weighed 17 pounds even and was 27 inches long. That's 75th and 100th percentiles, respectively. Doc was impressed with the consonant noises he was making and how he was able to sit with very little support. We discussed solids and sleep, and K seems to be doing very well.
Speaking of solids, so far we've tried sweet potatoes, carrots, green beans, and pears, all of which he's pretty ambivalent about. He was more enthusiastic about the green beans and seemed to like pears the least. Go figure. Tonight we try... what? I've got bananas, peaches, and squash for him, and I'd like to get peas and plums. Maybe bananas. This is the highlight of my day, thinking about Kawika trying a new food. Sad?
We're pretty well settled in the new house; just hanging up art now and looking for a few finishing touches that we didn't need before, like a wall mount for our TV. My cousin is looking for a room to rent and I told her to come check out our 3rd bedroom. We could certainly use a few hundred bucks a month and I know we could live together; she's so chill.
Work has been very busy; just trying to keep up with all the demands of my new position. My additional boss (I can't say "new" since I still have both my "old" ones) has lots to do and not enough time to do it in, so he leans on me pretty heavily. I enjoy it, since I eventually hope to take over his position at our location here and he can go back to managing 1 location (elsewhere). Don't worry, that's his plan, too.
Work is kind of exciting lately because we're getting ready for our holiday party. It's a few months out, yes, but the planning and purchasing starts now and I've booked us a great location this year: Rock Bottom. Their banquet space has pool tables, TV's, darts... their catering menu looks great, and there's a full bar downstairs for those who like to party after the party (myself included). We're doing something a little different for door prizes this year... more on that in another post to come. It's very exciting though!
I'm supposed to watch Kalae & Corinna's kids tomorrow night and I'm kiiiiind of dreading it. Not because the kids are horrible or anything (they're great!) but just because I know it will be a late night and my Friday morning will arrive way too quickly and last far too long. There's no way to get Kawika home with Chris so I'm going to have him there with me all night, which will surely interrupt his routine... There's got to be a better way to do this... maybe my mom can take Kawika to my house when Chris gets home! Perfect. I'm a genius!
Hey, if I can't say it, who can?
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| Doc says the slobber is normal... LOL |
Speaking of solids, so far we've tried sweet potatoes, carrots, green beans, and pears, all of which he's pretty ambivalent about. He was more enthusiastic about the green beans and seemed to like pears the least. Go figure. Tonight we try... what? I've got bananas, peaches, and squash for him, and I'd like to get peas and plums. Maybe bananas. This is the highlight of my day, thinking about Kawika trying a new food. Sad?
We're pretty well settled in the new house; just hanging up art now and looking for a few finishing touches that we didn't need before, like a wall mount for our TV. My cousin is looking for a room to rent and I told her to come check out our 3rd bedroom. We could certainly use a few hundred bucks a month and I know we could live together; she's so chill.
Work has been very busy; just trying to keep up with all the demands of my new position. My additional boss (I can't say "new" since I still have both my "old" ones) has lots to do and not enough time to do it in, so he leans on me pretty heavily. I enjoy it, since I eventually hope to take over his position at our location here and he can go back to managing 1 location (elsewhere). Don't worry, that's his plan, too.
Work is kind of exciting lately because we're getting ready for our holiday party. It's a few months out, yes, but the planning and purchasing starts now and I've booked us a great location this year: Rock Bottom. Their banquet space has pool tables, TV's, darts... their catering menu looks great, and there's a full bar downstairs for those who like to party after the party (myself included). We're doing something a little different for door prizes this year... more on that in another post to come. It's very exciting though!
I'm supposed to watch Kalae & Corinna's kids tomorrow night and I'm kiiiiind of dreading it. Not because the kids are horrible or anything (they're great!) but just because I know it will be a late night and my Friday morning will arrive way too quickly and last far too long. There's no way to get Kawika home with Chris so I'm going to have him there with me all night, which will surely interrupt his routine... There's got to be a better way to do this... maybe my mom can take Kawika to my house when Chris gets home! Perfect. I'm a genius!
Hey, if I can't say it, who can?
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
Labor day weekend
I had a great time over Labor Day weekend. Chris and I took Kawika camping at the coast. It was nice to get out of town, and even better since the sweaty heat of the city was more tolerable at the beach. We had a comfy, sunny couple of days. Kawika seemed to enjoy himself, though honestly, he's so laid back about everything it's hard to tell sometimes. :)
While packing the day before, I decided he'd need a couple of hats for shade and also the chilly evenings. I found this pom pom hat in his drawer that I'd forgotten about and stuck it on his dome to see if it fit...
And I loved it, so I had to take a picture. What a good sport :)
We had a good camp site; not too much shade, not too much sun (just enough to burn me when I spent 20 minutes outside without sunblock) and our camp "neighbors" weren't horrible.
You never know, at a camp site like that, if your neighbors will be jerks. We went to the same campground last year (Chris's uncle reserves a group of sites every year for Labor Day weekend) and our neighbors that year were awful. They were Mexican (nothing wrong with that!!) but they played that traditional Mexican music (Mariachi? It sounds kind of like circus music) at TOP volume into the small hours of the night. Ugh! Regardless of the type of music, you don't play it at max volume until 4 AM; that's just rude.
Anyway, it was very nice this year. No crazy camp neighbors, and I think ours was the most annoying dog there (dang Chihuahua needs to learn to shut up!). We had a good time relaxing with Chris's cousin Jamie and her family, uncle D and his friends Dave and Teresa, and my SIL's family.
We took Kawika down on the beach for his first time. I had him in the Bjorn and we walked down, looked at the water, splashed our toes in the surf... I really wanted to get a picture of K's foot prints in the wet sand so I took off his socks and got his little toes down in there... had just about got the Blackberry lined up for a good shot when our cousin's dog ran over to see what we were looking at and walked right over the prints. Dang it! Then Kawika started grumping (probably due to the chilly sand on his little piggies) and I wasn't going to subject him to more of the same, so we headed back to camp.
All in all it was a great weekend! I can't wait to take him next year when he'll actually be able to enjoy it.
While packing the day before, I decided he'd need a couple of hats for shade and also the chilly evenings. I found this pom pom hat in his drawer that I'd forgotten about and stuck it on his dome to see if it fit...
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| Aaah!! Too cute!! |
We had a good camp site; not too much shade, not too much sun (just enough to burn me when I spent 20 minutes outside without sunblock) and our camp "neighbors" weren't horrible.
You never know, at a camp site like that, if your neighbors will be jerks. We went to the same campground last year (Chris's uncle reserves a group of sites every year for Labor Day weekend) and our neighbors that year were awful. They were Mexican (nothing wrong with that!!) but they played that traditional Mexican music (Mariachi? It sounds kind of like circus music) at TOP volume into the small hours of the night. Ugh! Regardless of the type of music, you don't play it at max volume until 4 AM; that's just rude.
Anyway, it was very nice this year. No crazy camp neighbors, and I think ours was the most annoying dog there (dang Chihuahua needs to learn to shut up!). We had a good time relaxing with Chris's cousin Jamie and her family, uncle D and his friends Dave and Teresa, and my SIL's family.
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| Hopefully he'll tan better than me |
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| Nom nom nom... what beach? |
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