I've had a lot on my mind lately. My family, my relationship, my child... I suppose you could group all of those into "family." I do this thing every few years where I get restless with my current situation and start thinking about my other options. Is it just that I relish change? Or do I continuously get myself into situations that I can only cope with for a few years at a time before I get fed up and have to get out?
C and I recently went to LA to be on one of those small-claims court TV shows. Our old landlords had filed a suit against us in our local small claims court, alleging that we damaged their condo so badly it needed $4k worth of repairs. We answered in denial, then filed a counter-suit (to get our deposits back). Apparently these TV shows have researchers all over the place, one of which found our case and brought it to a producer's attention. Long story short, we all agreed to go, and we went. We figured we didn't have anything to lose. They paid for the airfare, hotel, ground transportation, and meals, plus pay us an appearance fee, and the winning party gets paid by the show so the losing party isn't out any money. Sounded good, right?
It went horribly for us. As it turns out, the "judge" of the show isn't actually bound by any laws of any particular jurisdiction, and is free to make her "ruling" based on... whatever she wants. Usually, I have discovered, that means that whatever makes good TV goes. So we were the "bad guys" and were portrayed as such, though we didn't know that until we got on set and the "judge" and plaintiffs started talking. Man, what an awful feeling, to have people lying about you, and you can't do anything about it, and nobody listens to what you have to say in your defense, or they listen then laugh at you, or scoff, or make rude remarks.
As a side note, the audience on those shows is paid to sit there and make noises of approval or disbelief, per the coaching of the producers. There was a girl behind me calling me names the whole time. It was very distracting, and hurtful. We were defamed on video, which will likely be aired nationwide, and I couldn't do a damn thing about it. I left in tears.
All of this led to a big discussion with C afterwards in which he got very defensive (as usual) and made lots of excuses for his behavior (as usual). I've tried to be very understanding and forgiving, and now I am failing miserably at that. Fortunately for me, I don't really feel like I'm failing at anything anymore; rather, I am finding my voice again and putting my foot down. I hope for his sake that he has the sense to shape up soon, because I'm running dangerously low on patience, and I'm not as content as he believes anymore.
I suppose most relationships deal with ups and downs. I just wish there weren't as many "downs" as there are. Is there any hope in trying to change a person? I know it's for the best, he knows it's for the best, and yet... nothing! Where's the disconnect? Why can't he see how harmful and selfish his behavior is?
Well, time to stick my head back in the sand. I can't do anything about it right now, and I'm not (quite) ready to, anyway.
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