Friday, June 22, 2012

THNGVB, or, Patience is an Acquired Taste

I was going to make a post about how funny Kawika is in the bath tub, because he's VERY funny in the bath tub.  He loves the bath tub.  He loves the water, he loves playing with the knob, he blows bubbles and splashes his toys around and generally has a grand old time.  He usually screeches when I take him out, even if I've let him sit in there until he's pruny and the water isn't warm anymore.  But instead, I am sharing with you an e-mail that I just received.  My mom wrote it, and it's... well, you'll see. 

As a small side note before launching into this, I hope you've read Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

Email Subject: Kawika's THNGVBD

My mommy said we were going to Grandma's house.  I love Grandma's house.
When we got there she told my Grandma I was full of beans.  I don't know what that means, but Grandma didn't look too worried.

Grandma made my favorite cereal, I ate quite a lot.  Then she gave me blueberries.  I love blueberries.  Then she gave me a new berry called a raspberry. 
Grandma said it was good.  I took a bite and about threw up.  I gave it back to grandma - right in her face.  She can have it if she likes it so much.

Then we played blocks.  I'm tired of blocks.  We played ABC cards.  I'm tired of ABC cards. We visited the chickens. Grandma brought old berries down for the chickens as a treat, but I wanted them.  Grandma said "no" but I tried to get them anyway and made a mad face at Grandma when she wouldn't let me have them.

I wanted to walk so Grandma put me down and I crunched gravel with my shoes. When I looked up I saw blueberries! I love blueberries. Grandma said, "No those blueberries are not ready yet, they are green."  I don't know what she means, they looked good to me, so I grabbed a whole bunch and yanked them off the bush.  Grandma made the "no no" face and said she needed to carry me now.   

When we went in to wash our hands, I picked up Scooter's dish.  I loved watching the water pour out all over the floor.  Grandma sighed her heavy sigh and used a towel to clean up my shoes, then she cleaned the big puddle on the floor.  She was busy so I decided to go walking.  I thought it would be fun to close the door.  Grandma said, "Kawika Michael, don't close that door."  I giggled  because it was going to be a funny joke.  I pushed the door shut but it wasn't the door, it was the folded up ironing board.  I don't know what an ironing board is, but it pushed the door closed and crashed on the wall.  It scared me pretty bad.  It scared Grandma too.  She said, "you could have been smashed flat as a pancake".  I love pancakes. I don't know why she's so worried all the time.  She moved the ironing board to the laundry room and closed the door.  She really should have thought about that before.

At second breakfast, Grandma made omelets.  I love omelets.  It had eggs and ham and cheese but she also put in asparagus, spinach, peppers and onions.  I don't know what she was thinking.  I ate the good stuff and put the rest on the floor for the doggies.  She made a face and said I was trying her patience.  I don't think I like patience if it has vegetables in it.

I took a drink of milk then threw my cup on the floor.  I forgot I was supposed to put it on the table like a big boy.  The next time I wanted a drink, water came out because Grandma had rinsed the cup.  I tried to take a sip then threw my cup on the floor. Grandma picked it up.  I threw it again, and again and again...grandma said, "if you're all done with your milk I will put it away."  I wasn't done with my milk, I was frustrated that no milk came out of the hole.  I yelled and threw the cup to tell her I was mad about it but she wasn't listening.  When she went to put it back in the refrigerator she got a funny look on her face and tried to take a sip.  She turned and looked at me and said she was sorry, she didn't realize the first time I threw it on the floor it knocked the sippy piece out.  She washed it up, fixed it and brought it back to me.  Silly grandma.  I drank lots of milk and put my cup on the table like a good boy.

When I yawned, grandma said it was story time so we read Brown Bear.  I wanted to turn the pages but Grandma said I needed to slow down.  I wanted to show her how much I loved the book so I grabbed it and gave it a kiss.  Grandma laughed.  Then I decided to see how the book tasted so I bit it.  Grandma said, "please be kind to the book, it's old."  So I gave it another smooch and a quick bite then tossed it on the floor.  Grandma said, "Kawika Michael, I have no more patience left today."  I thought that would make her very happy because I had some at second breakfast and it wasn't very good, but she looked a bit cranky.

We went in for a nap, but I wanted to dance instead.  Grandma played my favorite phonics song on her computer, but she shook her head "no no" when I tried to push the buttons.  She pushes the buttons, I don't know why I can't push the buttons.  She said I was very tired when I yelled about it.  I decided to show her I was not tired so I got off the bed and stomped away.  She picked me up and gave me my blankie and binky - stupid blankie, stupid binky.  I threw them away, then I wanted them back, then I threw them away again, then I wanted them back.  I don't like grandma's singing today, I don't like rocking or swaying, I don't like pat-a-cake and I would really like to pull her picture off the wall, but Grandma says I can not touch it.  I would not settle down, so Grandma said, "I give up, let's try a walk instead."

We went for a stroller ride.  I love stroller rides.  I didn't feel sleepy though, I felt pretty perky. When we got back I decided to play with blocks and noticed Bella outside.  I love Bella.  I decided to use my dog whistle to see how many dogs would come out of Grandpa's office and run on the deck.  I made a magnificent shrieking sound that always makes the dogs bark like crazy.  Grandpa poked his head out of the office and said, "I have a conference call and I'll need it quiet in here, maybe you should take him for a drive while I'm on the phone."  He looked a little cross.  I think Grandma made him eat patience at second breakfast.

Grandma and I went for a drive.  I fell asleep after a little while.  Grandma said I only slept for about 10 or 15 minutes, but it felt like a long time to me.  When we got back I had lunch.  Grandma made my little bunny crackers dance along the side of my tray.  That was very funny.  I tried it too and will have to show my mommy the dancing bunnies. After they dance, you chomp them.  It is VERY funny.  When it was time to go home, grandpa gave me a big hug. Grandma looked tired when she took me out of the car seat, but she smooched my forehead and told me she loved me even when I was full of prunes.   I'm confused about whether I'm full of beans or prunes but either way I hope my daddy is ready to play.

Find somewhere else to put your "clothes," woman, I'm using this!

Monday, June 18, 2012

24 Weeks

6 months!!  Holy crap!! I feel like my belly really popped out after my 20 week photo.  I definitely look pregnant, and people are no longer afraid to ask when I'm due for fear of angering a woman who is simply disproportionately chubby.  On the other hand, my boss eyed my belly and said something about my being "gone soon" to which I replied "October isn't THAT soon" and he laughed because, no, it isn't, and yet, how freaking huge am I going to be by then?!  *sigh*  Maybe I should lay off the pudding cups.

Look, not in the ladies room at work!
I took and passed my glucose tolerance test with flying colors, only crashing on the couch for a little while with a raging headache in the late afternoon. I expected it, though, and Chris was on hand for baby-wrangling while I recovered from the sugar crash.  I don't know WHAT I'm going to do with two kids.  TWO. KIDS.  And a full time job and a partner with a full time job and daycare is so expensive, my GOD. I've been really fortunate in my daycare situation thus far.  My mom is able to watch Kawika 4 mornings a week and Chris watches him all day Mondays and every afternoon.  That will change when Little Dude gets here, and I have yet to hash out the details of HOW, but I know that it MUST, for this arrangement simply won't work for two.  But I don't have the energy or the will to freak out about that right this moment.  Matter of fact, I think I'll go find some more pudding.

Wednesday, June 13, 2012


Yesterday was Chris's birthday.  I had planned to come home from work and do all of our normal evening stuff while simultaneously making a (very easy) cake to celebrate.  I would also put off dinner for Chris and myself, so that we might have an evening/dinner together without the baby.  Heaven forbid.  And apparently Murphy's Law dictates that it was not to happen, too.  It was a disaster.  Let me tell you about it.

First, the cake.  It actually turned out VERY well.  I think.  It LOOKED great, and when I turned it out of the baking dish, a teeny bit stuck to the glass and I tried it and it was delicious.  However, that's all the cake I got.  That's all the cake anyone got, birthday boy included.  At least, until he got home from work around 1 AM.  Then he had more.  I know because I saw that it was cut into this morning as I was packing my lunch, but it was very sad, with a couple of slices missing and the unlit candles still stuck in the top.

Then, the dinner.  Kawika ate his happily and without complaint.  He had leftover noodles with steamed veggies, a slice of cheese, and strawberries for dessert.  I also gave him a taste of frosting when I was icing the cake.  He wasn't too impressed, but I'm totally OK with that.  No more sweets for you, kiddo! 

The dinner I was going to make for Chris and myself wasn't anything complicated.  He wanted Loco Moco, a Hawaiian dish consisting of rice, a hamburger patty with gravy, and a fried egg on top.  Certainly not very nutritious or health-conscious, but you're entitled to eat whatever you want on your birthday, I say. 

Chris had gone out to meet some cousins and friends "DUDE, COME HAVE A DRINK, IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY!!" and promised to be back "soon" and asked me to hold off on cooking, unless I was hungry.  I wasn't, so he left, and I hung out with Kawika.  Kawika started doing his "sleepy" stuff around 6:30 so I tossed him in the bathtub, hoping Chris would make it home in time for goodnight kisses at 7. 


We drew the bath out a little since K was having so much fun, and by the time he was out of the tub and getting into jammies, Chris was back home and starving.  I started to cook, knowing I shouldn't have, since K wasn't in bed yet, but Chris volunteered to put him to bed because he was hungry and I was the food machine, apparently. 

We spent the next 2 hours tag-teaming trying to get Kawika to go to sleep.  I don't know why last night was so different.  I don't know why he decided to be difficult the ONE night in over 2 weeks that it's been even remotely important to me that he go to bed and stay there.  He's been a great sleeper lately.  We do our little bedtime routine, he goes to sleep, he stays asleep until I get him up in the morning to go to grandma's for day care. 

Perhaps it was because Chris didn't follow the routine.  That was my first thought.  The first time we switched off because Chris was hot, hungry, and frustrated, and I'd finished cooking the burgers and the rice (but not the gravy or eggs), I tried the routine.  I pulled him out of his crib, gave him his sippy of milk, we read 2 books, brushed teeth, and went back to his chair to snuggle up.  Singing, rocking, and snuggles, then back in the crib.  2 minutes later, BAM crying baby.  Chris went back in to soothe him and I returned to the stove to make the gravy and eggs.

Finished making the gravy and eggs, and Kawika still won't go to sleep.  So I tried my hand again.  I finally got him down and went back to the kitchen.  Chris was already on the couch with a plate "Sorry babe, I tried to wait for you..."  It's fine, really, I knew he was hungry and by this point any illusions I'd had of a nice "grownup" evening before he had to go to work were shattered.  I made a plate and went to join him on the couch.  I'd just sat down when... BAM crying baby.

And I let him cry.  He wasn't screeching this time, or hyperventilating, or even sobbing, really.  He was whining, interspersed with snuffles and the occasional wail, then silence.  I know not every parent subscribes to CIO, and normally, neither do I.  But both of us had been at this for close to 2 hours.  We were BOTH hungry, and hot, and frustrated.  I was eating dinner at 9 instead of my usual 6:30 so I was feeling a little woozy.  And dang it, Kawika was FINE.  He just wanted US, and come ON, KID, I WANT 15 MINUTES TO EAT, OVER HERE.

We finished dinner, and Chris asked if I wanted him to go back in.  I said no, I'd take care of it.  And I did.  By the time I emerged at 9:45, Kawika was out stone cold, the dinner dishes were cold on the counter, and Chris was getting ready for work. 

"I'm sorry your birthday sucked so bad,"  I told him, on the verge of tears.  "I don't know what his deal was tonight."   He just sighed and told me not to worry about the dishes; he'd clean up when he got home.  We exchanged "love yous" and he went to work.  I cleaned the kitchen, gave Wonton a few scraps, and fell into bed around 11.  We didn't even get to eat the cake.

This morning, when I went to wake Kawika up, he was still dead to the world asleep.


Whatever, kid, your cute little butt in the air won't make me forget about last night.  Well, not entirely.  Come here, imma pinch your buns and smooch your face!!

Wednesday, June 6, 2012


Kawika is going forward.  He's walking like he's been doing it all his life instead of just a week or two.  He stops mid-stride to change directions, laughing at the person (usually me) he HAD been heading toward as their face changes from excitement to "Hey, where are you going? I wanted to chew on your cheeks!"  He walks in tight little circles, then laughs when he gets dizzy and falls down.  He walks backward, looking over his shoulder and giggling at his ingenuity. 

He's also given up bottles, cut another molar, and learned to pet the dog nicely.  I'm sure Wonton appreciates that last one more than daddy and I do, but it's still pretty exciting.  He loves the lawnmower and will shriek and toddle to it as fast as his little legs will carry him, then grab on to the handle and make a "Bbvbbvbbbv" noise with his lips to imitate the sound of the motor while grinning at me.  He knows the word "up" and says it when he wants to be held, but also when he picks himself up off the floor.  He's become a much better sleeper, and rarely wakes at night needing comforting. 

I wish I had better quality video to share, but I don't, so this will have to do for now.  Look at this BS, capturing my child's precious memories on a shitty cell phone... UGH. 

Yes, I have a neat little camcorder.  Yes, I have a new(ish) digital camera that has a video mode.  No, I don't use them because my phone is always nearby and those things never are and I suck.

Monday, June 4, 2012

Little Dude

I've nicknamed this baby Little Dude.  Since Chris and I are still on the fence with names, I've assigned a nickname so that I'm not constantly saying "baby" when talking about him.  It's not really confusing, since I never called Kawika by that nickname (I don't think) and I usually use K's name when talking about him.  Although sometimes I DO call Kawika "baby" so that could get confusing pretty quickly.  Whatever, they're both babies!  Don't mind the 13-month old toddling around, eating a banana, and making car motor noises while pushing his Tonka truck across the floor!

Anyway, we had another ultrasound this morning.  As Little Dude was only 18 weeks at our official anatomy scan, he was still on the small side for getting good pictures, and we had the worst ultrasound tech ever.  So we had to go back for more pictures.  Also, my doctor wanted to keep an eye on my cervix (not literally, because EW) so they checked that too.  Fun fact:  my cervix is holding strong and not funneling, even with pressure.  I sense another delivery date that is a week past my due date.

They got the shots they needed to confirm everything is healthy and developing normally, and informed me that he is laying "variable transverse" which means "mostly sideways with his head toward your right side but he was rolling around too so maybe sometimes he changes and we don't really know."  Either way, whatever, just put your head down before too long, dude, cuz... momma don't want no c-section. Also, they didn't TELL me that he's on the small side, but I Know How To Read Good, and when the technician was taking measurements of Little Dude's head, abdomen, and leg bones, the averages were all coming up a week behind our actual gestational age.  I had a feeling he would be smaller than Kawika, so we'll see if that hunch plays out in, oh, 4 months?  (OMG 4 MONTHS I NEED TO GO SHOPPING FOR BABY THINGS AND ORGANIZE THE CLOSETS AND MOVE THE DRESSERS AND GET THE PACK AND PLAY BACK FROM MY MOM'S HOUSE AND-) *gasp*  Easy, girl, easy!!!

Stupid important doctor business and nesting frenzy aside, they also got some good 3-d shots of Little Dude's face.  Here, look!  Creepy alien baby!

The Gun Show

Or, doing "The Tebow"
Cool, huh?  Technology, man, I tell you what.

I think he knows I'm talking about him, because he's currently in there raising all kind of hell.  "What is this bladder doing here?! SAMURAI KICK!!"