Monday, November 28, 2011

Sharing the Joy

Kawika makes the cutest noises, I swear. I've been trying to take videos of him more frequently because he changes SO fast.

This video is cute because he's being kind of a ham for the camera. K does his screech that he's recently become so fond of. It's a little ear-piercing, but he thinks it's a riot. :)

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

The Season

I just had a moment of... clarity? Gratitude? I realized how truly fortunate I was and I'm quite humbled while now pondering the many good things in my life.

I wanted a hot meal, so I got in my car that I didn't have to pay for (it was a 10 year old hand-me-down, but still), and drove to a place that took a small amount of my money and handed me a hot meal through a window so that I didn't even have to get out and get rained on to pick up this meal that I didn't have to prepare. Then I drove back to my office and had a brief chat with my supervisor (that I like and respect, who likes and respects me) wherein she agreed to approve my taking some college courses in Business Administration & Management, so that my tuition and fees get reimbursed by our employer. I then got a call from my loving, supportive (if sometimes immature) partner & the father of my beautiful son, where he offered to pick up our son after work so I didn't have to go out of my way.

How fortunate am I? How completely awesome is my life? How different is it for people born in poorer countries, or to poorer families? No, I don't have gold-plated toilets, or fly first class while taking multiple vacations a year, but I do get vacations. Paid ones. I do rent a decent-sized home that has room for myself and my family. And I don't have to fight for food, or clean water, or the right to do what I want when I want.

No, life isn't always fair or just, not even for me, but it could be a hell of a lot worse. I'm going to try to remember that more frequently from now on.

Friday, November 18, 2011


For those of you who do read my blog, I have an important message I'd like to share with you.  Please read the infographic below and if you care about the right to free speech online at all, I urge you to visit to read more info and/or contact your local representatives to help stop this bill before it's enacted into law.  We cannot allow this!!

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Over-thinking Things Again

I've had a lot on my mind lately.  My family, my relationship, my child... I suppose you could group all of those into "family."  I do this thing every few years where I get restless with my current situation and start thinking about my other options.  Is it just that I relish change?  Or do I continuously get myself into situations that I can only cope with for a few years at a time before I get fed up and have to get out? 

C and I recently went to LA to be on one of those small-claims court TV shows.  Our old landlords had filed a suit against us in our local small claims court, alleging that we damaged their condo so badly it needed $4k worth of repairs.  We answered in denial, then filed a counter-suit (to get our deposits back).  Apparently these TV shows have researchers all over the place, one of which found our case and brought it to a producer's attention.  Long story short, we all agreed to go, and we went.  We figured we didn't have anything to lose.  They paid for the airfare, hotel, ground transportation, and meals, plus pay us an appearance fee, and the winning party gets paid by the show so the losing party isn't out any money.  Sounded good, right?

It went horribly for us.  As it turns out, the "judge" of the show isn't actually bound by any laws of any particular jurisdiction, and is free to make her "ruling" based on... whatever she wants.  Usually, I have discovered, that means that whatever makes good TV goes.  So we were the "bad guys" and were portrayed as such, though we didn't know that until we got on set and the "judge" and plaintiffs started talking.  Man, what an awful feeling, to have people lying about you, and you can't do anything about it, and nobody listens to what you have to say in your defense, or they listen then laugh at you, or scoff, or make rude remarks. 

As a side note, the audience on those shows is paid to sit there and make noises of approval or disbelief, per the coaching of the producers.  There was a girl behind me calling me names the whole time.  It was very distracting, and hurtful.  We were defamed on video, which will likely be aired nationwide, and I couldn't do a damn thing about it.  I left in tears. 

All of this led to a big discussion with C afterwards in which he got very defensive (as usual) and made lots of excuses for his behavior (as usual).  I've tried to be very understanding and forgiving, and now I am failing miserably at that.  Fortunately for me, I don't really feel like I'm failing at anything anymore; rather, I am finding my voice again and putting my foot down.  I hope for his sake that he has the sense to shape up soon, because I'm running dangerously low on patience, and I'm not as content as he believes anymore.

I suppose most relationships deal with ups and downs.  I just wish there weren't as many "downs" as there are.  Is there any hope in trying to change a person?  I know it's for the best, he knows it's for the best, and yet... nothing!  Where's the disconnect?  Why can't he see how harmful and selfish his behavior is?

Well, time to stick my head back in the sand.  I can't do anything about it right now, and I'm not (quite) ready to, anyway. 

Friday, November 4, 2011

Losing steam

I can't even believe what a toll this week has taken on me!  I attended a spill drill for one of our bigger contracts and put in two 10-hour days in a row, but that shouldn't have wiped me out as much as it did.  I've done that before without the same fallout I'm feeling now.  I can pinpoint the differences in this drill but I won't go into them here. 

On a slightly related note, it's been quite some time since I felt this conflicted.  I wish there was a clear-cut answer, but I don't think there is.  Why is nothing ever as easy as I think it should be?  Between new interests and the same old conflicts, I'm running out of patience for pretty much everything these days.

Here's something that never fails to cheer me up though:

How could you not smile back?
Other good things:  Getting a good parking spot, butterflies, having an umbrella when it starts to rain, new friends, renewing old relationships, and forward progress.  Also, today is Friday.  That is a very good thing.