Forgoing Details

Without spilling all of my dirty laundry guts to the entire three of you who read this, suffice it to say that I'm having one of Those Days. 

It didn't seem like one of Those Days when I got up.  I actually slept really well last night.  I didn't wake up at 3 AM, nor did I struggle to get back to sleep for an hour (both of those have been happening on the regular).  I slept all night.  I woke up feeling refreshed.  Kawika slept all the way through my morning getting-ready routine and was awake and happy by the time we got to Grandma's for daycare.  I felt sort of pretty thanks to a new tinted moisturizer and mascara I picked up yesterday, and I remembered jewelry, so I looked almost put-together when I got to work.  At that point, I was on a roll!

Then midway through my morning Shit Got Real.  The short of it is that money sucks ass.  It's only nice when you have so much of it that you don't have to worry about it.  But if you're not one of the 1% then it sucks.  I am certainly nowhere NEAR the 1%.  So money sucks for me.  I had a little extra, but Something Came Up.  And you know what?  It always seems to work that way for me and C.  As soon as we have just a *little* more than we absolutely bottom-line need, Something comes up and goes "Oh! I see you have a little extra right now!  Let's fix that!"  And then the dog needs to go to the vet, or the car breaks down, or someone has a dental emergency that's only 75% covered under insurance. Something.

I was kidding myself thinking we'd have a small savings built up to help us through when I go on maternity leave later this year.  Sure, it was there, and it was good.  But now it's not, because Something Came Up and wiped it ALL out and we're back to paycheck-to-paycheck.  And $20 at the pump because that's all we can afford right now.  And don't even *think* about rebuilding the savings because we'll need that for groceries.

I don't even know what to say.  It breaks my heart.  If I could call it a day, crawl into bed and cry right now, I would.  But I can't.  So I won't.  I'll suck it up, choke it down, breathe deeply, and start analyzing the possibilities, because that's what I do.  I'm a fixer.  And I'll fix this too.  Somehow.