I should be doing things right now that will make tomorrow morning easier, like packing up lunch, restocking the diaper bag, getting my work computer & various projects all buttoned up so I can just run out the door like I always do... but I'm not. Instead, I'm here. There's no good reason for it; I don't have anything funny or insightful to share. I just would rather sit here and "ramble" than do what needs doing, and I'm not even sure why. At least Kawika's already asleep.
I'm nervous about work this week. I have a big event that covers Tuesday and Wednesday that I have to go out of town for, which means several things. I will be leaving Kawika with his father for 2 days and 1 night, which is a little stressful. Not that he's not capable of taking care of our son, because he is, but because I won't be here just in case he needs me. Just in case. Also, I will miss him.
Also, the event itself is stressful. It's a high-pressure spill drill during which I will be ceaselessly bombarded with information that I must enter into a database and then regurgitate to anyone who asks. I am "tracking resources deployed" for the "containment" of an "oil spill and fire" that is "going to happen." Like all those quotation marks? It's a drill. We're practicing. This is good for various reasons that I don't feel like explaining and also feel like you should already understand.
I also have to wear my work shirts. We don't have a uniform (or much of a dress code, really) at our office. I think I was told once that we're Business Casual, but everybody just wears jeans, t-shirts, slippers (flip flops for you other haoles out there), tank tops, sundresses, etc. My own supervisor goes braless on occasion, which has never bothered me, I just say it now to give you an idea of how casual our office is. However, at the drills, those of us who participate must project a certain image to those companies and organizations who have us on contract and are paying us to be there. So I have to wear my official company shirts, embroidered with our logo, and watch my language, and... play nice. I'm sure you know how it is. There's a time to relax and be yourself, and then there are other times. Times when one is required to play a role, for whatever reason, and go along with the politics of a situation. I wish it weren't so. I wish I didn't have to make friends with certain managers and then talk about them behind their back because their manager has more of an influence on my position within the company. But I do. As I've gotten older I've learned that that's just how things ARE. In order to get ahead you've got to play the game. I think it sucks.
This post turned out much longer than I thought it would. That's what happens when I ramble. I start on one insignificant thought and it spins out into a diatribe on office politics. I have nothing else of value to add to what I've already said so I suppose I'll call it a night. I've got 1/2 a glass of wine waiting for me in the other room.
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