Lately, it feels like my default setting is "overwhelmed." This week is getting the best of me. This quarter at school is getting the best of me. This schedule is getting the best of me. I usually take an hour of downtime each evening for myself, my sanity, my health, but it's never as it's intended to be, since I KNOW I should be doing something else. Some homework assignment that I didn't have time to finish the day before, some chore around the house that's constantly behind, some stupid daily-life task, like calling to schedule doctor or dentist appointments, or that e-mail from work...
If I slow down, even for a minute, I feel like I'll stop completely. I have SO much on my plate right now, and not enough time to do it in, or hands to complete the tasks, or memory space to even remember it all.
(this is a blog, so you can't see it, but I was just derailed for almost 40 minutes right there)
I'm feeling the pressure at school. I am SO excited about the classes I'm taking this term; they're ones I've wanted to take for over a year (Python programming and HTML) and I've scored the best (IMHO) instructor at Clark for these topics, and I feel like I'm letting myself down because I can't put as much time into these classes as I want to.
I WANT to spend a couple of hours each night just tweaking my web pages or screwing around in the Python GUI, but I can't. How could I possibly?! My family demands SO MUCH of my attention right now, and when it's not them, it's things related to them. The laundry, the dishes, the packing of the lunchboxes, the constant need for my attention to read a book or help them get dressed or undressed or change a diaper or turn on the TV or go outside or get them something to eat or drink or play with them... and that's just the kids.
I love my kids (understatement of the decade). I know they're not going to need my help or want my attention forever, and I am trying to cherish every day with them because every day they get older and change and it happens so quickly, and yet so gradually... but MAN. I also need to find the time for Chris, who does just as much around the house (well, ALMOST) as I do and who also wants my attention. But what about me? I'm 7 months pregnant and average 6.5 hours of sleep each night, which isn't really enough for me even when I'm not growing a human. So which thing wins? When I have a finite amount of time in each day and more to do than can possibly get done, how do I prioritize a seemingly endless list of equally important tasks?
If you know, will you tell me? I'll listen to your explanation in just a few minutes, after I finish these 2 past-due homework assignments, mail off letters to the HOA for my boss, call DHS and the kids' day care to adjust their schedule, take Liloa in for an immunization that was missed at his last appointment before they kick him out of day care on Monday, carve these pumpkins, get dinner started, let the contractors in to work on the furnace, and maybe have some lunch. If I get around to it.