Ultrasound Recap

Our ultrasound on Monday morning went pretty well.  The ultrasound tech who started the appointment didn't finish it though, because he was having a hard time...?  Finding things he needed to see..?  I laid there with goop on my belly for all of an hour while he hmm'd and huh'd and muttered to himself.  Both my mom and Chris's mom came to the appointment for the sheer fun of watching the baby on the monitor and finding out the sex.

Chris's mom had to leave at 8:40 to go to work, and even though the technician had asked us a couple of times if we wanted to know the gender, he still hadn't told us.  He could have; I saw him looking at that general area more than once and I was pretty sure of what I was seeing, but didn't say anything.  Then a couple of times, talking about the baby, said "little dude."  Um, hello, official news?  You didn't give us any?  Is that a hint, or your default terminology for all babies?

Needless to say, Bridgett was pretty upset that she had to go before the sex reveal.  At 9 am, another tech came in and in a very nice tone pretty much told the first guy that he was fucking shit up for the rest of the day, schedule wise, and kicked his ass out.  She quickly and efficiently got shots of all of the parts that the guy was not able to, like the cord insertion point, hands, the 4 chambers of the heart, and the kidneys and bladder.  She then asked us "Do you want to know what you're having?"  as she zoomed over baby's bottom on the screen.  We all said that we did, and without even a pause she said "There's the penis!"

Cute little profile

Boy bits, dead-center of the picture

Now, I will admit something a little shameful here.  I had to try not to cry at that point.  Two weeks prior, in my OB's office, I was told it was highly likely that I was having a girl.  Ultrasound!  No scrotum!  Different symptoms!  Optimism!  Oh well.  Chris was ecstatic.  He did the same thing he did when he found out we were having a boy the first time, with his whole fist-pump, "YES" in a half-whisper, getting up and jumping a couple of times just to let the excitement out.  Meanwhile I was trying to maintain a facade of surprised-yet-happy, which I was DEFINITELY feeling, and NOT feeling, respectively.

At about that point, Kawika hit his wall for patience with sitting in a darkened room and not being able to touch mommy and it's naptime and I didn't have a real breakfast because we've been here for an hour and a half... so my mom took him out to play in the waiting area.  The tech finished up and said the MFM specialist would be in soon to talk to me and then we'd be on our way and she left.  I cried.  Chris tried to console me but it ended up sounding like a lecture on how I'm not excited about this baby and I need to be or he won't "turn out as good" as Kawika and why am I not happy, blah blah blah.  I just needed to be disappointed for a minute!  I had to completely change how my brain had been thinking about this pregnancy and this baby because I was WRONG.  My intuition, my dreams, even the inconclusive yet promising ultrasound, was all wrong, and it's a boy, not a girl.  And I wanted a girl.

I don't know how many more kids we will have.  I would have been perfectly content to stop at 2, one boy, one girl.  Now... I don't know.  I'm not sure WHY I wanted a girl so bad.  They scare me a little.  I think of teenage boys and I cringe a little at the grocery bill and how their rooms might smell, but I think of teenage girls and immediately start to hyperventilate about birth control and them taking my makeup and wearing trashy outfits and all the drama and hormones and AGGHH!!!

Chris always said he saw me as a mom of boys.  I'm good with boys, whatever whatever.  The mother-son bond is special and wonderful.  Agreed.  But that doesn't mean that a mother-daughter bond wouldn't be special.  Or that I wouldn't be a good mom to a girl.  It was just a big disappointment, being so wrong, and then his celebration felt a little like rubbing salt in a wound.  We talked it out and by the end of the day I was feeling better about the whole situation.  I've started to get excited about having another boy.  I know boys.  I got this.

Plus, I get to reuse all of Kawika's newborn and 3-month clothes.  He grew out of them so quickly and they were ALL SO CUTE, you know?

Plus, I get to be a mommy again.  To a new little dude.  Who will be teeny and wonderful and needy and noisy.  Again with the no sleep, having someone attached to my boob 18 hours a day, getting peed and poo'd on, a bajillion diaper changes a day... and I wouldn't change it.  I am so excited, and happy, and I can't wait.