THNGVB, or, Patience is an Acquired Taste

I was going to make a post about how funny Kawika is in the bath tub, because he's VERY funny in the bath tub.  He loves the bath tub.  He loves the water, he loves playing with the knob, he blows bubbles and splashes his toys around and generally has a grand old time.  He usually screeches when I take him out, even if I've let him sit in there until he's pruny and the water isn't warm anymore.  But instead, I am sharing with you an e-mail that I just received.  My mom wrote it, and it's... well, you'll see. 

As a small side note before launching into this, I hope you've read Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day. 

Email Subject: Kawika's THNGVBD

My mommy said we were going to Grandma's house.  I love Grandma's house.
When we got there she told my Grandma I was full of beans.  I don't know what that means, but Grandma didn't look too worried.

Grandma made my favorite cereal, I ate quite a lot.  Then she gave me blueberries.  I love blueberries.  Then she gave me a new berry called a raspberry. 
Grandma said it was good.  I took a bite and about threw up.  I gave it back to grandma - right in her face.  She can have it if she likes it so much.

Then we played blocks.  I'm tired of blocks.  We played ABC cards.  I'm tired of ABC cards. We visited the chickens. Grandma brought old berries down for the chickens as a treat, but I wanted them.  Grandma said "no" but I tried to get them anyway and made a mad face at Grandma when she wouldn't let me have them.

I wanted to walk so Grandma put me down and I crunched gravel with my shoes. When I looked up I saw blueberries! I love blueberries. Grandma said, "No those blueberries are not ready yet, they are green."  I don't know what she means, they looked good to me, so I grabbed a whole bunch and yanked them off the bush.  Grandma made the "no no" face and said she needed to carry me now.   

When we went in to wash our hands, I picked up Scooter's dish.  I loved watching the water pour out all over the floor.  Grandma sighed her heavy sigh and used a towel to clean up my shoes, then she cleaned the big puddle on the floor.  She was busy so I decided to go walking.  I thought it would be fun to close the door.  Grandma said, "Kawika Michael, don't close that door."  I giggled  because it was going to be a funny joke.  I pushed the door shut but it wasn't the door, it was the folded up ironing board.  I don't know what an ironing board is, but it pushed the door closed and crashed on the wall.  It scared me pretty bad.  It scared Grandma too.  She said, "you could have been smashed flat as a pancake".  I love pancakes. I don't know why she's so worried all the time.  She moved the ironing board to the laundry room and closed the door.  She really should have thought about that before.

At second breakfast, Grandma made omelets.  I love omelets.  It had eggs and ham and cheese but she also put in asparagus, spinach, peppers and onions.  I don't know what she was thinking.  I ate the good stuff and put the rest on the floor for the doggies.  She made a face and said I was trying her patience.  I don't think I like patience if it has vegetables in it.

I took a drink of milk then threw my cup on the floor.  I forgot I was supposed to put it on the table like a big boy.  The next time I wanted a drink, water came out because Grandma had rinsed the cup.  I tried to take a sip then threw my cup on the floor. Grandma picked it up.  I threw it again, and again and again...grandma said, "if you're all done with your milk I will put it away."  I wasn't done with my milk, I was frustrated that no milk came out of the hole.  I yelled and threw the cup to tell her I was mad about it but she wasn't listening.  When she went to put it back in the refrigerator she got a funny look on her face and tried to take a sip.  She turned and looked at me and said she was sorry, she didn't realize the first time I threw it on the floor it knocked the sippy piece out.  She washed it up, fixed it and brought it back to me.  Silly grandma.  I drank lots of milk and put my cup on the table like a good boy.

When I yawned, grandma said it was story time so we read Brown Bear.  I wanted to turn the pages but Grandma said I needed to slow down.  I wanted to show her how much I loved the book so I grabbed it and gave it a kiss.  Grandma laughed.  Then I decided to see how the book tasted so I bit it.  Grandma said, "please be kind to the book, it's old."  So I gave it another smooch and a quick bite then tossed it on the floor.  Grandma said, "Kawika Michael, I have no more patience left today."  I thought that would make her very happy because I had some at second breakfast and it wasn't very good, but she looked a bit cranky.

We went in for a nap, but I wanted to dance instead.  Grandma played my favorite phonics song on her computer, but she shook her head "no no" when I tried to push the buttons.  She pushes the buttons, I don't know why I can't push the buttons.  She said I was very tired when I yelled about it.  I decided to show her I was not tired so I got off the bed and stomped away.  She picked me up and gave me my blankie and binky - stupid blankie, stupid binky.  I threw them away, then I wanted them back, then I threw them away again, then I wanted them back.  I don't like grandma's singing today, I don't like rocking or swaying, I don't like pat-a-cake and I would really like to pull her picture off the wall, but Grandma says I can not touch it.  I would not settle down, so Grandma said, "I give up, let's try a walk instead."

We went for a stroller ride.  I love stroller rides.  I didn't feel sleepy though, I felt pretty perky. When we got back I decided to play with blocks and noticed Bella outside.  I love Bella.  I decided to use my dog whistle to see how many dogs would come out of Grandpa's office and run on the deck.  I made a magnificent shrieking sound that always makes the dogs bark like crazy.  Grandpa poked his head out of the office and said, "I have a conference call and I'll need it quiet in here, maybe you should take him for a drive while I'm on the phone."  He looked a little cross.  I think Grandma made him eat patience at second breakfast.

Grandma and I went for a drive.  I fell asleep after a little while.  Grandma said I only slept for about 10 or 15 minutes, but it felt like a long time to me.  When we got back I had lunch.  Grandma made my little bunny crackers dance along the side of my tray.  That was very funny.  I tried it too and will have to show my mommy the dancing bunnies. After they dance, you chomp them.  It is VERY funny.  When it was time to go home, grandpa gave me a big hug. Grandma looked tired when she took me out of the car seat, but she smooched my forehead and told me she loved me even when I was full of prunes.   I'm confused about whether I'm full of beans or prunes but either way I hope my daddy is ready to play.

Find somewhere else to put your "clothes," woman, I'm using this!