Saturday, December 1, 2012

Adventures in nursing

A blog written in hindsight, about my misadventures nursing my first two children.

With Kawika, had I known about the 3-week-old growth spurt, cluster feeding, and the cycle of milk production, I'd have been fine. We had to use a shield because he had trouble latching onto my flat nipples, but I didn't mind and he didn't mind. We were nursing comfortably up until that point where he started cluster feeding. And I panicked, thinking my supply had dried up or he wasn't getting enough, and I started supplementing with formula. After that, my supply really did tank, and then I went back to work and dried up instantly. He did just find on Enfamil. I mourned that loss, more so after doing extensive research on nursing and newborns and realizing what had happened.

Liloa was different in that every nurse and LC we saw (5 total) in those early days agreed that he had a great latch. Our technique was perfect, good job! And we didn't need a shield, even with my flat nipples. But it hurt like... FIRE. Needles. Nails. Cheese grater. And after less than a week, my nipples were so cracked they bled. I had canyons across both nipples stretching onto my areolas. I bled during nursing, and cried, and bled when I pumped, and cried, and all the lanolin, gel pads, ice packs, heat packs, and shields did NOTHING to help. It got to the point where when he'd start showing hunger signs, I'd cry, just THINKING about the impending pain. So I stopped nursing, and gave him a bottle. The Similac was hard on his stomach; he got very gassy and constipated and I felt terrible, knowing I had what he needed and I couldn't bring myself to give it to him because of my own pain. I intended to nurse him again, bring my supply back up, resume that relationship that I really, REALLY wanted, just as soon as those fissures healed a little. 

I tried. I didn't want to wait too long, for fear of supply issues. I took herbal lactation blend supplements, ate oatmeal, and pumped when I wasn't nursing him, to try to maintain some milk. And it still hurt. So. Bad. But as soon as I'd healed a little, we tried nursing again, with a shield this time, and I was back to the unbearable pain. So we took another break, a little longer. During this break, we switched him to Similac Sensitive, and he was a much happier baby, and by the time those huge, deep cracks had healed and I'd gotten over enough fear to try again, Liloa wasn't really interested in nursing anymore. He got what he needed faster and with less effort from the bottle. Thus ended my attempt at nursing my second child. 

In hindsight, I think his latch was good - to start. But then he'd slip down. I don't know if he'd get lazy, or shift around during feeding, but his latch would change to a bad one and I didn't notice. I didn't take him of and relatch him, because I was just so grateful that he was eating at all. And it's so hard to see those things in the middle of that postpartum haze where everything seems blown out of proportion. I was hurting from a third degree perineal tear and episiotomy, and it hurt to sit. Kawika was only 18 months old and needed more of my time and attention than I could give him. Chris had to go back to work, and my mom was... busy? I needed so much more help in that time than I got. 

Maybe next time will be better.


Saturday, October 20, 2012

Liloa's Birth Story



Short version:  Liloa Christopher was born on 10/15/12 at 4 pm.  He weighed 8 lbs 12 oz and was 21 inches long.

Long version:  Our due date of October 7th came and went with me being dilated to 4 cm and 50% effaced.  My doctor was sure I’d go into labor on my own, but we scheduled an induction for the 15th (41w1d) just in case.  As it turns out, Liloa was very comfortable and the eviction was served.  We arrived at the hospital at 6:45 AM on the 15th.  The nurses checked me in but then realized that we weren’t on the schedule.  My doctor’s office had forgotten to send over some paperwork so the hospital wasn’t aware that we were supposed to be there.  They put us in a waiting room and called my doctor, who confirmed that we wanted to go ahead with the induction, and then they showed us to a L&D room.  I got into a gown and discussed the plan with my nurse, who was very nice. 

It was a strange experience, going in for an induction.  You’re not already in labor so there’s nothing to focus on, like contractions.   You’re just... waiting.  They started the pitocin drip by 7:30 AM.  I wanted to deliver without any drugs or interventions at all, but because it was an induction, I had to reevaluate my plan.  I had to be monitored continuously, but Liloa kept moving around and the monitors weren’t able to keep a continuous line on his heart rate.  He was doing fine, but every time I’d move around, they’d lose him on the monitor.  Only, they kept telling me to keep moving.  I took walks with my IV pole, one hand holding the monitor in a spot I hoped they’d get a good reading from, and kept getting called back to have the monitor adjusted.  He was OP, or “sunnyside up” so it was hard to get a good reading on him, and then I’d move, or he would move, and we’d lose his line completely, and everybody was getting frustrated but trying not to show it.

They increased the pitocin in small amounts hourly.  We watched the morning news, Let’s Make A Deal, and The Price is Right while I waited to feel something more than these irregular, only-slightly-uncomfortable contractions.  At 10:30 my doctor checked me and I was at a 5, and she decided to break my water.  They turned the pitocin up again. 

By noon the contractions were painful and I was doing Lamaze breathing techniques and sitting on a birthing ball to keep things progressing while managing the pain.  The next 2 hours were intense.  My body had finally got the clue that we were DOING something and started to contract on its own.  Between the pitocin contractions and my contractions, I was in a lot of pain and not able to relax much between them.  The breaks between contractions were short and the pain never went away completely.  Because Liloa was OP I was having some mild back labor too.  Standing and swaying helped me through the contractions.  My nurse tried to get me to lay down for a while, since I’d been on my feet all morning trying to get Liloa to turn, but when I laid down and couldn’t move like I wanted to the pain felt completely unmanageable.

By 1:45 I’d had enough of the cluster contractions.  The Lamaze breathing was making me panicky and Chris (quite frankly) was no help.  He spent most of my labor surfing the internet on his phone and occasionally tossing a “Good job babe” my way.  I asked for the epidural.  The anesthesiologist was there very quickly.  I signed the paperwork and got up on the bed so she could do what she had to.  I had 4 very intense contractions during the whole procedure and was reduced to tears and shaking by the time she was done.  When they let me lay back, my nurse checked me while we waited for the epi to kick in and I was 8 cm dilated.  It was 2:45 PM.

At 3 PM Chris wanted to run home and let the dog out.  We live close to the hospital, and I was in a good place pain-wise, so I was OK with him going.  The nurse told him it was a good time to go, so he left.  The epidural was good; much better than the one I had with Kawika.  I could still feel the contractions and they were still a little painful; they felt like early labor pains, no longer the uncontrollable monsters I’d been having.  I could move my legs with almost no assistance, and I didn’t feel nauseous.  Overall, I was very pleased.

At 3:30, my doctor came in to see how I was doing and decided to check me.  I’d been dozing a little since Chris left at 3 and was kind of irritated that she had come back so soon to bug me.  But as soon as she put her hand down there I noticed that I felt different.  Her eyebrows shot up and she said “Wow!  You’re... 10 centimeters and plus 2 station!  Let’s have a baby!”  The nurse looked at me and said “You’d better call him.”  I called Chris, who didn’t answer, so I sent a text: “Come back, don’t dawdle, we’re ready.”

The nurses and my doctor started setting everything up, chatting about cars and the weather and the recent string of bicycle thefts in my doctor’s neighborhood.  Everyone was suited up and they put my legs in the stirrups just as Chris walked in.  He looked around wild-eyed, took off his jacket, came to stand by my head, gave me a kiss and my doctor said “Okay, here’s a contraction, and, push!!”  He was just in time!

It became obvious pretty quickly that Liloa wasn’t tolerating the pushing very well.  I’d only pushed 3 times through 1 contraction and they were having me shift from side to side, take deep breaths, and push even harder.  After the 2nd set of pushes, my doctor got very serious and I started to feel scared.  They put an oxygen mask on my face and put NICU on standby.  My doctor leaned over and said “Listen, Julie, you need to get him out NOW.  You can do this, he’s almost here, but you need to get him out.”  One more contraction, and I pushed so hard.  I had to hold it for 10, take a quick breath, and push for 10 again, and again, and again... I felt a strange sensation and someone said “Here’s his head.”  I glanced at Chris and he was looking at the baby, looking scared.  I pushed again and delivered his shoulders and body, and... silence.  Half a minute, maybe, while my doctor and a nurse rubbed him and suctioned out his mouth and nose.  I could see he was blue, and not moving much. 

Suddenly he gave a huge cry, and everyone seemed to give a collective sigh of relief.  They put him on my chest and toweled him off a little more, and he was very pink and very noisy.  Chris and I kissed each other, and kissed Liloa, and marveled at how long his fingers and toes were.  His head wasn’t the slightest bit cone shaped, and despite delivering him sunnyside up, he didn’t have any marks on his face from my pubic bone like Kawika did when he was born.

The doctor spent a good 20 or 30 minutes stitching me up.  I realized that I’d been up in the stirrups with her doing her thing down there for quite some time and asked Chris.  He said “It’s bad, babe.  It’s real bad.  She cut you.”  It turns out she gave me an episiotomy to help Liloa out faster because his cord was crushed when he was down in my birth canal and he wasn’t getting enough oxygen.  After the episiotomy, because I was still pushing so hard, I tore.  I had a 3rd degree tear and a hematoma.

But Liloa is perfectly healthy and suffered no ill effects from his birth experience.  Overall, he’s an easier baby than Kawika was, and that’s saying something.  We’re truly blessed!


Friday, October 5, 2012

Almost, almost

39w4d
So close!

I had a checkup yesterday afternoon and it was determined that I am 4 cm dilated and 60% effaced.  What a great start, for not even being due yet!  I had the good doctor strip my membranes hoping to get things moving but all I've seen so far is a slight increase in cramping and low back pain and some extra *ahem* material making its way out.  Of the slimy variety.  Gross.

I have another appointment scheduled for the 10th if there's no baby by then, where she'll probably strip my membranes again and then marvel at how I could possibly still be pregnant.  She scheduled an induction date for the 15th, laughing the entire time.  "There's no way you'll still be pregnant by then.  It would be some freak of nature thing!"  She's the expert; I only hope she's right.  I'm still hoping for this weekend, but a day or two relaxing and finalizing things wouldn't be awful, either.

Coco reminded me that today is the 5th.  And rent is due on the 5th.  I'm not sure my brain has been processing anything other than baby-related news for the last week or so.  I had to check our bank account to make sure we even had enough (we do) and call Chris to remind him to drop off a check.  He said he thought about it yesterday but didn't say anything because he knew today was payday.  Duh, I still would have appreciated a reminder since it had obviously slipped my mind ENTIRELY, as evidenced by the fact that I didn't mention it ONCE during the last week, which is so unlike me.  Men are so oblivious.

Kawika had a GREAT last day at day care, of course.  This week at drop off he hardly fussed at all, didn't actually cry, and by Thursday morning he was happily reaching for his teacher and waving bye-bye to me.  He was happy as a clam when I picked him up and gave his teacher kisses.  I don't know if it's that he finally got used to it, just in time for me to pull him out, or if he somehow knew it was his last day.  Either way it makes me kind of sad.  I almost wish I could afford to keep him there at least a couple of days per week, but if I'm not working, I just can't. 

When I picked Kawika up yesterday I made it a point to clean out his cubby and grab everything that was his so 1) It wasn't in the way and 2) So we could use it.  One of the teachers also handed me a handful of art projects and I thought "Wow, that's a lot of art!"  Well it turns out that it's not his!  Some poor little kiddo named Emese is now missing all of their art.  Don't worry, Emese's parents, it's safely on my garage work bench and I am planning on bringing it back.  I love every stupid preshus random crayon scribble Kawika made on a leaf-shaped cut out that probably held his attention for all of 30 seconds, and I'm sure you want your child's version, so never fear.  It will be returned.  I won't even ask for ransom.

Wednesday, October 3, 2012

Byron Carol



Rest in peace, grandpa.  You were loved; you will be missed.

Friday, September 28, 2012

Belly, belly

Okay, first, my 38 week photo:


Also, I colored my hair.  Yay, red!  Chris is a little disappointed; he says I look like a ginger.  Whatever, I like it, and if you didn't want me to do it you should have said so when I asked your opinion a week ago instead of saying "Whatever, babe, it's your hair, do what you want."  Because of course my reaction was "Yeah, it is, and I will!"

Now for some possibly-exciting-but-also-meaningless-news:  I'm dilated to 3.5 cm!  Or I was as of yesterday afternoon when my doctor checked my cervix.  I've had a LOT of Braxton-Hicks contractions this last month, and on Wednesday this week I actually went home early because I had so many.  They were not consistent, ranging from 3 minutes apart to 12 minutes apart, but it went on ALL DAY LONG.  It was tiring.  It was uncomfortable.  I went home and laid down and finally fell asleep at 11:30.  When I woke up Thursday, they had stopped.  Then I got another dozen or so Thursday before my appointment.  I've had another dozen or so today.  I don't mind, really.  They're uncomfortable but not painful, and if they're helping with the dilation and effacement, keep 'em coming!

It's exciting to me because I only dilated to a 2 before starting "real" labor with Kawika and he was a week overdue.  To be dilated to 3.5 with a week (and a few days) until my due date... well... that's exciting!  It makes me think that this kiddo will make an early entrance.  I'd really like an October baby, though, so I hope he doesn't come quite yet.

I have it on relatively good authority that he will make his appearance on the 4th.  I will let you know, of course.

In the mean time, I'm getting everything finalized this weekend.  No more procrastinating.  After my Lovely Ladies Lunch, which is planned for this Saturday, I'm going to IKEA for more organizational-type things.  Then I'm getting a pedicure.  Then I'm going to supervise while Chris moves the 2nd dresser out of our room and sets up the pack n play.  Then I'll endlessly organize and reorganize the baby's diapers and pj's so we're ready.  It all sounds like a lovely plan; hopefully it works out that way.

In the mean time, I'm going to try to ignore this cycle of BHC/back pain/BHC/back pain.  It sucks.

Thursday, September 20, 2012

Bunch of Sickos

The day care funk persists.  Kawika still has a runny nose, though it's not green any more.  He's also developed a chest cough now, as he's not able to blow his nose and I can't keep up with the snot-sucking when he's out of my care all day, so of course the drips made their way down.  The cough sounds awful and he whimpers a little after a hard cough like it hurts him.  Poor baby.

Saturday he was pretty miserable, so we hung out at home together all day.  Mostly he laid on me and whined.

Absolutely pathetic.
 When the baby Advil kicked in and the fever would recede a little, he'd play quietly with whatever was at hand. 

Just before our 2nd shirt change of the day.

I am also infected with what I presume is a modified version of the funk.  My nose is runny and I'm slightly feverish.  My throat has that awful swollen feeling during the day and the obnoxious tickle at night.  I went home early once this week and called in sick the day after.  As that day was already paid for and Kawika is acting normally, I took him to day care to avoid scheduling confusion.  It was nice to be home by myself for a while, but I kept thinking that I heard him down the hall and occasionally felt guilty for not keeping him with me.  I'm at home, why shouldn't I be watching my own kid?

Chris convinced me that it was fine; normal even, to have other people watch your kids while you take care of yourself for a little while.  I think it's karmic retribution that has him stuffed up, scratchy-throated, sweating, and puking today.  Either that or another case of the funk. 

Funk aside, Kawika seems to be getting used to daycare.  Just in time for me to yank him out again!  LOLz.  No really, he only gets upset when I drop him off now.  He's happy when I pick him up and the teachers say he spends less time needing to be held every day.  Yay!  He even made me some art yesterday:

Paint, marbles, bucket: toddler masterpiece
It's obviously pure genius.  I'm going to have to frame it.  I love how it was labeled "Ball," too.  Does it have to be a ball?  Why not an abstract representation of our planet?  Or Kawika's interpretation of a different planet?  Or perhaps an underwater scene?  The possibilities are endless!  Quit stifling my child's creative genius!  Har har.  Who am I kidding?  He probably sat on his teacher's lap and half-heartedly pushed the bucket away so she was forced to finish the project for him.  Stubborn little bug.

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Craving

I was really, really craving some fresh fruits and veggies tonight and not really feeling 100% healthy, so I figured I'd hit up Jamba Juice.  They put fruits and veggies together, see, where you can't taste the veggies, and then they can add all kinds of amazing potions and powders to "boost" your smoothie into super-healthy realms.  I convinced Chris to come because he promised me a family outing and also, I'll buy you a damn smoothie, get in the car.

So we loaded up and drove to Jamba Juice.  It's not super close to home, but not super far, either.  I got a Cold Blaster (lots of C-vitamin fruits with Immunity and Antioxidant Boosters) and Chris got something purple that didn't taste as good as mine.  HaHA!  Anyway, it was totally worth it.  Just ask Kawika. 


Yes, chest clip, I know. We hadn't started driving yet.

I sat in the back seat with him on the way home because I just KNEW that if I didn't share he would screech the whole way home.  As it was I could barely pry the cup out of his hands to get some myself.  I think he gave himself a brain freeze though, so that was justified/entertaining.  =D