A blog written in hindsight, about my misadventures nursing my first two children.
With Kawika, had I known about the 3-week-old growth spurt,
cluster feeding, and the cycle of milk production, I'd have been fine. We had
to use a shield because he had trouble latching onto my flat nipples, but I
didn't mind and he didn't mind. We were nursing comfortably up until that point
where he started cluster feeding. And I panicked, thinking my supply had dried
up or he wasn't getting enough, and I started supplementing with formula. After
that, my supply really did tank, and then I went back to work and dried up
instantly. He did just find on Enfamil. I mourned that loss, more so after
doing extensive research on nursing and newborns and realizing what had
happened.
Liloa was different in that every nurse
and LC we saw (5 total) in those early days agreed that he had a great latch.
Our technique was perfect, good job! And we didn't need a shield, even with my
flat nipples. But it hurt like... FIRE. Needles. Nails. Cheese grater. And
after less than a week, my nipples were so cracked they bled. I had canyons
across both nipples stretching onto my areolas. I bled during nursing, and
cried, and bled when I pumped, and cried, and all the lanolin, gel pads, ice
packs, heat packs, and shields did NOTHING to help. It got to the point where
when he'd start showing hunger signs, I'd cry, just THINKING about the
impending pain. So I stopped nursing, and gave him a bottle. The Similac was
hard on his stomach; he got very gassy and constipated and I felt terrible,
knowing I had what he needed and I couldn't bring myself to give it to him
because of my own pain. I intended to nurse him again, bring my supply back up,
resume that relationship that I really, REALLY wanted, just as soon as those
fissures healed a little.
I tried. I didn't want to wait too long,
for fear of supply issues. I took herbal lactation blend supplements, ate
oatmeal, and pumped when I wasn't nursing him, to try to maintain some milk.
And it still hurt. So. Bad. But as soon as I'd healed a little, we tried
nursing again, with a shield this time, and I was back to the unbearable pain.
So we took another break, a little longer. During this break, we switched him
to Similac Sensitive, and he was a much happier baby, and by the time those
huge, deep cracks had healed and I'd gotten over enough fear to try again,
Liloa wasn't really interested in nursing anymore. He got what he needed faster
and with less effort from the bottle. Thus ended my attempt at nursing my second
child.
In hindsight, I think his latch was good -
to start. But then he'd slip down. I don't know if he'd get lazy, or shift
around during feeding, but his latch would change to a bad one and I didn't
notice. I didn't take him of and relatch him, because I was just so grateful
that he was eating at all. And it's so hard to see those things in the middle
of that postpartum haze where everything seems blown out of proportion. I was
hurting from a third degree perineal tear and episiotomy, and it hurt to sit.
Kawika was only 18 months old and needed more of my time and attention than I
could give him. Chris had to go back to work, and my mom was... busy? I needed
so much more help in that time than I got.
Maybe next time will be better.
